I think that, however self-confident we are, and however full to the brim of inner happiness, there’s almost always a point at which we realise that the lustful gaze has become a rarity. This can be upsetting, as it compounds the sense that we have lost our youth, our beauty, and our usefulness. Clearly, only the first is true!
We’ve been told to be pretty. Think about it. If you are currently in your forties or fifties, your conditioning from a very young age to self-scrutinise and find yourself lacking will have been deeply ingrained. And we have been encouraged to think that our most important goal is to retain visible youthfulness at all costs. Just look at the flourishing aesthetics industry for proof!
Do you really want the casual gaze? In a functioning adult relationship, of course, we want to be desired. And, I suppose (a nod to biology), humans do need to be attracted to each other in order to reproduce. But the casual gaze? The whistling from builders, the stripping look up and down as you walk past, or indeed the lech at the table trying to undress you with his eyes while you think you’re dazzling with your witty repartee. No thanks.
And I say this as someone who has been happily sexually invisible for the last decade.
I’m sure that you are thinking about more benign appreciation: the eyes that linger a moment longer than you expected, the slight turn of a head as you walk past, the chemistry with a drinking companion you hadn’t expected. Especially if you have moved through life taking such attention for granted.
We are still beautiful.
I don’t think it’s so much about looks vanishing but other aspects of our characters coming to the fore. You are still you, regardless of how many years you have under your belt. But now, instead of existing on a skin-deep level, you are becoming a different kind of butterfly. Mature, wise, and hopefully more confident about what you have to offer the world beyond instant sex appeal.
And those who value those deeper attributes are preferable companions and will be drawn to you for those deeper qualities. In many ways, it’s a more efficient way of sorting the wheat from the chaff.
Do your male friends behave as though you don’t exist? Of course not. Have you ever chatted to someone and after a few minutes of talking to them, noticed the light in their eyes, the laughter wrinkles on their face, and realised that they are extremely attractive? Well then!
Besides, I look at my girlfriends now and I see their life stories written on their faces and they are all the more beautiful for it.
Be confident.
So, don’t be afraid of change. We can’t cling to who we once were. We need to evolve, and life is all about learning to discard one skin and develop another. Those who are happy and comfortable in themselves radiate appeal, and the chances of developing a meaningful relationship based on someone recognising that quality are far stronger than the burst of lust and palpitating heartbeat that prompted youthful liaisons.
In the long run, authentic connections mean more than casual compliments. And beauty, as my granny used to say, is only skin deep.
https://www.hellomagazine.com/healthandbeauty/865815/mariella-frostrup-sexually-invisible-decade-okay-with-that/